My · life · in · Seoul, · South · Korea

The trip started out with a plan to meet up with Billy, an Australian friend of a friend who I found out was also going to North Korea, but we never planned on going together. It was good to know someone going though because I at least knew who I’d be rooming with.

 

The plan to meet up got all muddle up though, and so I just got on the subway and planned on meeting her at the bus terminal where we’d meet up with the rest of the people going on the tour.

 

At the subway station though, I saw a guy who was eyeing mysteriously. He had that, “OOOOH! A foreigner!” look in his eyes. That look usually leads to the, “I bet he’ll speak English with me!” thought. His shifty eyes were making me rather uncomfortable though and I wasn’t sure if he wanted to kill me or converse with me.

 

Either way, when the train came, and I got on, he ended up sitting right next to me, took a deep breath and opened with, “Hello, how are you?”. I always try to appease people who want to practice their English but I was also a bit distracted because I realized that if I just got off at the next station, I could meet Billy on the platform and we could still go together.

 

So just as he was ready to ask his next question, the subway doors open and I contemplate what to do. I think stand up abruptly, rip my stuff down from the overhead shelf and charge off the train before the doors can shut, yelling a quick apology to the poor man desperately seeking an English exchange. I definitely didn’t give a good impression of foreigners, but I really had to get off the train!

 

So I met up with Billy, hopped on the next train and we were on our way to the bus terminal in Seoul. We weren’t exactly sure what time we had to be there, but we were hoping we were going to be on time, if not early. And we were, because when we got to the pick up point, the busses still didn’t leave for another hour and a half or so. At the terminal we met up with a bunch of Billy’s friends who were also going on the trip.

 

Apparently I had a bit of a run in with these guys but have NO recollection of it. One of the guys going on the tour called me a faggot in the bar one night because my friend David was getting in his face and I was yelling at the other foreigners to put their clothes on because they were giving us all a bad name. And while I definitely joked about them being half naked and my friend David did pretend to be rough with this guy, there was no point where I really cared about what they were doing, nor did David. But, I guess the guy was really pissed off, but I never could recall this incident. I only heard about it through another friend, Kim.

 

But since this occurrence MAYBE happened, it felt very awkward being around some of these people. I had no idea what to say to them since we apparently got into a bit of a spat, but either way, I was there with Billy and there to meet new people anyways. Billy was also going on her own, and just happened to know other people going so we were in a bit of the same situation.

 

So, the busses finally got going at about midnight and drove about 5 hours to the South Korean tourist gathering area. Of course I didn’t sleep a wink, and the busses stopped every hour so it was impossible to even attempt to sleep. Once at the gathering point, some of us had to change busses because going into North Korea we were required to be with a very specific group of people.

 

After about an hour at the gathering area, we were on our way to South Korean immigration. We hung out in the immigration hall for about 40 minutes before passing through the checkpoint and getting our passports stamped because we did leave the country. Once through immigration, we got on official busses that only went between the North and South. There were probably about 1000 people going on the trip, but 95% of them were Korean. There were about 100 or so foreigners in the group that I went with.

 

Once on the busses, we were back on the road, on our way to the DMZ and the North. Crossing through the DMZ was a bit symbolic because it has been dividing the country for over 50 years and it was only recently that roads and railroads have been constructed to allow people to cross. 

 

After about 15 minutes going through the DMZ we were in the North, passing by another solider every few hundred meters or so. The soldiers line the road and hold red flags that they raise if they see people taking pictures from the busses. Once they have raised their flags, the busses will stop (and keep in mind there are about 30 busses or more), the soldiers will come on the bus and check people’s cameras and then delete the pictures that were taken of the North.

 

This isn’t to say no pictures can be taken, but only in certain areas.

 

We finally arrived at North Korean immigration, which compared to the South Korean building, was like going back into the stone ages. The South Korean building was large and newly built. The North Korean building was a tent with some port-a-potties outside. We then lined up in a certain order and prepared to meet the North Korean immigration officer/soldier. Everyone who was North Korean here was a soldier.

 

We were prepped on the bus ride to answer only questions about our job and where we lived. If the North Koreans were able to catch us lying in any way, there could be trouble. So once I got up to the soldier and he began looking through my passport I was very nervous. But in the end he asked no questions and barely even looked me in the eyes except to compare my picture on my ID card to my real face.

Now the ID card was a very important piece of documentation. We had to wear it at all times and would be fined if we weren’t wearing it. It had our picture, occupation, residence and other important information. While my passport was not stamped with a North Korean stamp, they did stamp my ID card.

 

After I met the immigration soldier, I had to get my bag x-rayed. I put it on the conveyor belt and as I did I smiled at the female soldier who had seconds before been laughing. But when she saw my smile her face snapped into a very strict, “I’m going to kick your fucking American ass” look. I won’t lie, I wet myself. There isn’t a scarier person on the face of this Earth than a North Korean female soldier I’ve decided. Her face still haunts my dreams. Seriously.

 

Out of the immigration tent we were back on the busses but had to wait for the thousand or so people to do what we had done, so we sat there another 30 minutes or so before we could take off. But once we did we finally got to see North Korea.

Well, we got to see what a Disneyified North Korea looks like. Of course we didn’t see real North Korea because the government wants foreigners to think they have a prosperous and happy nation. But here’s a list of things that we did see:

 

 

The sight of the tanks and missile launchers still astonishes me when I think about it. Again, we couldn’t take pictures, but the image was burned into my memory.

 

After a 20 minute bus ride we finally arrived at the Geumgangsan Resort. It was a fenced in area with several hotels, a state of the art sauna, a small shopping are, several restaurants and a stage for a circus performance. Basically, we were in Disneyland. The only give away that I was in North Korea was the walled in village just a few hundred meters away that I could see from my hotel room. Oh, and all the soldiers at the entrances was a giveaway too.

 

The first sight to see was a hike, or rather a very fancy walk, through the mountains and forests. All along the trail, which was paved and basically like walking in the city except there were trees and a river surrounding you, you saw stories carved into rocks about Kim Il-sung and how wonderful he was. Even 100’s of feet off the ground on the side of mountains were carvings dedicated to the Great Leader and eternal president of North Korea.

 

The hike was beautiful, filled with waterfalls and very rickety suspension bridges. I even got the chance to meet some new people, one guy named Josh who I was convinced was gay and after a few drinks later that I night I found out he was when I got the nerve to ask him if for sure he was!

Throughout the hike were regular North Korean citizens and the most interesting thing about them were their pins that portrayed a picture of Kim Il-sung. I wanted to take a picture, but I never got the nerve to ask any of them if I could. The North Koreans we did see weren’t there to enjoy the hike though, they were there to take American dollars in exchange for souvenirs. And yes, you had to use American dollars, but I still don’t know why. It was weird to see dollars again though. They look really different since I was back in the States.

 

As we neared the end of the hike we got a suspension bridge that I was sure wasn’t going to be able to hold up due to the wind and the nutters jumping up and down on the damn thing. But alas, I made it safe and sound, no problems.

 

After the hike, we were back on the busses to head to our hotel. When the room keys arrived, I went up to get one for me and Billy. I don’t know if Seokjin, the owner of the tour company we went with, was looking out for me or if it was just sheer luck, but I got the key for one of the suites. Me and Billy had one of the largest rooms out of the whole tour group. We had a bedroom and a sitting room, a balcony and a larger shower than most people. It was fantastic. We didn’t spend that much time in it, but it was still great.

 

The next set of things to do included getting lunch and wandering around a bit before the circus. Before hand, I showered, napped a bit and then Billy and I figured out where to go for lunch. We went to a traditional North Korean cold noodle restaurant where we ate Pyongyang naeng myeong. It was absolutely amazing. The North Koreans who worked at the restaurant were eyeing very strangely and Billy and I felt VERY uncomfortable but we still thoroughly enjoyed our meal. 

 

After lunch we had some time before the circus so we just wandered around the grounds. We then came to a crowd of people clapping as other people got off busses and went into a building. I asked a man what was going on in Korean, and I roughly understood what he said. But what we saw was amazing. North Korean families were getting off the busses to go meet their South Korean families who were waiting for them inside the building. The families hadn’t seen each other in over 50 years and I got to see a part of that experience. It was amazing.

 

We then got to see the Pyongyang Moranbang Circus Troupe. Maybe made up of 50 or so North Korean acrobats, the circus was full of different acts, but by far the most amazing was one woman who did I had never seen before. Picture if you will a 5 foot tall woman, or, hanging upside down by her feet (and sometimes only one foot) swinging 20 feet above the ground on a rather out of control trapeze. But to top it off, in her mouth she is holding the handle of a foot long dagger and on the tip of the dagger is a 4 foot long pole with a tray on the other end that is balancing 5 or 6 water filled wine glasses. And then, just top it all off, she starts twirling a small hula-hoop on her foot that isn’t hanging on the trapeze and with her hands she begins juggling three balls. The whole thing was MAD!

 

The weirdest part of the circus was this Mini Mouse sounding woman who would come on to sing and act as a ring leader of sorts. But her voice was creepy and since we didn’t know what she was saying, it just made it worse. She was also wearing this very large and pink Korean traditional dress that looked a bit like a messed up version of what Cinderella wore at the end of the Disney version of the movie.

 

The most propagandish part of the circus was when performers fell to the stage from poles, bringing with them a flag that said, “ONE!” but when they did, the whole auditorium turned red and the flag itself was red. So, while the North may be campaigning for a unified Korea, I wonder what kind of unification they want.

 

And as I’ve said already, it’s like we are at Disney World. And here is my argument that we were:

 

Once the circus was over, we left the theater to walk into a down pour and I ran my little heart back to the hotel. Once there, a group of us made plans to go to dinner at a shabu shabu restaurant. Unfortunately, when we arrived at the restaurant there was no shabu shabu. Oh well, the dinner was still good and when enjoyed. I met a few more new people there but no one really stands out, sadly.

 

After dinner Billy, myself and a few of the other people we had dinner with, went up to the sky lounge, which was a bar at the top of our hotel. We ordered some drinks, but the vodka martini Billy got was poisonous and undrinkable.   I enjoyed my tequila sunrise however.

 

A little later on, the guy I had met earlier, Josh, came up with his friends and since my people were all going to bed I joined up with his crowd. Really nice people and I enjoyed getting to hang out with another gay person again. I can’t say I’ve been DYING to be around gay people again, but it is nice to have gay friends when it is a major part of who I am and we can relate to things that other people wouldn’t understand. I have no attraction to Josh but it’s nice to have a new friend. We had a few more drinks but it soon came time to go to bed since I hadn’t slept the night before and now it was about 1:00 AM. 

Needless to say, I slept very soundly.

 

Billy and I woke up bright and early at about 7:30 or so to get ready for another day in North Korea. While Billy was getting ready, I watched a bit of CNN which was weird to have because in the rest of the country there is only one TV channel that plays North Korean films or propaganda for about 5 or 6 hours a day. Again, another reason we were in Disney World.

 

Breakfast was nice, with a bit of a western/Korean mix of food. The rest of the day was filled with options of what to do. We could go on another hike, or go down to the ocean and then take a stroll around a lake. Billy and I chose the latter one because we wanted to see the ocean. Once we got down there, the smell and sights were heavenly. The lake was a bit dull but the ocean was worth it. While at the ocean I asked if I could take my picture with one of the North Koreans who were there to keep an eye on us. He politely refused though. I never did get a picture of that pin.

 

On the way to the beach and lake, there were a couple propaganda signs (again, no pictures) but one said something about unification, and the other showed a picture of a woman, carrying a present and above her it said, “We must fight our enemies” or something like that. The enemies of course being America.

 

After our stroll we were back in the resort and decided to walk down to the Kim-Kim picture. This picture showed Kim Il-sung and Kim Jung-il overlooking Paekdusan, which is a mountain in northern North Korea where a myth takes place about the origin of the Korean people. You can’t just walk up and take a picture though. You have to go to the nearby hotel and ask the doorman to take one for you because when a picture is taken of the Dear of Great Leader, one must never cut off any part of their body. 

 

On our way to the picture we came across another piece of propaganda that we wanted to take a picture of. So we got our cameras out, hopped in the picture and just as we got one taken we heard the whistles blowing. Whistles are a bad sign. They mean you are doing something you shouldn’t be. We quickly ran out of the area but no one followed us. We also got flagged slightly when we stopped to watch soldiers changing. They didn’t appreciate our stares though.

 

I met up with Josh at the Kim-Kim picture and he mentioned wanting to go to the sauna. Now, for those of you who don’t know, I have a HUGE fear of public nudity. I’ve never been able to change in a locker room because of this fear and so the idea of going to a sauna terrified me. However, I wanted to get over this fear before leaving Korea because sauna’s are everywhere and a very important part of Korean culture. So, I had to go. I knew the basic rules:

1. Get naked.

2. Shower.

3. Hop in a steaming hot tub and soak up the minerals to heal your aching body.

4. Head over to a steam room and take a quick nap outside the main part of the room. Use a wooden log as your pillow.

 

And even though I knew all the rules, I was still scared to death of being naked in front of people. As I shared my concern with some of the people I had met on the trip they told me that once you are naked and in there, you don’t even notice that you are naked. And while that was KIND of true, I still noticed that everyone was naked, including myself.

 

But in the end, I’m so glad I went. There were several different pools to try out, from a hot one, to a REALLY hot one to a cold one. There was even an outdoor area with the same options. There were several different kinds of steam rooms to try and the whole experience was so relaxing and my stress just melted away.

 

After an hour of soaking up the water and sweating away the toxins in the steam rooms, I was ready to get out. But I wasn’t entirely ready to leave the sauna quite yet. And as you may have noticed, when I say sauna, I don’t mean a steam room. I mean the place that has the baths, the steam rooms and the massages and everything. Before I went though, there were a couple of other things to do at the sauna. The first was a massage, but unfortunately there wasn’t enough time. So I thought I would try out Dr. Fish.

Dr. Fish is quite an experience. Basically, you put your feet into a shallow pool filled with little fish that eat away at the dead skin on your feet. It tickles like HELL at first, but really feels good. There were two pools, one with small fish and another with big fish. Moving to the big fish was quite a change. I did this with Josh and we met a mother and her daughter.  The mother spoke pretty good English, but I conversed with her in Korean too. After about 30 minutes of getting our feet eaten, we were ready to go.

 

We left just in time to because as we got back to the main resort area, I had just enough time to spend the last of my $15. I bought some North Korean wine and liquor. The wine doesn’t seem like anything special, but the liquor is very interesting. Here’s what the back label says (typos and all):

It has special effect in carinc derility, cerebral thrombosis, hepatocirrhosis and enhances sexcal function.

 

And it’s 50% alcohol. Now doesn’t THAT sound delicious? I haven’t decided if I’m going to bring it back to share with people in America or if I’ll drink it in Korea. We shall see. And since I leave for America in just a few short hours, I’ll have to make my decision soon.

 

So that was basically it. It was now time to hop back on the busses and caravan our way out of the country. There were no problems going through immigration on either side but it was side because they took my ID card with my North Korean stamp before leaving North Korean immigration. I slept for a bit on the bus ride back and we arrived back in Seoul after about 4 or 5 hours.